Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
