i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
