when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
