I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
