Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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