Yo dont text me then not text me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
