He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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