I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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