She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
