im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
