how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
