Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
