just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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