fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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