P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
