I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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