remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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