you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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