I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
