Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
