this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
