he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
