he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
