Your dad touched me again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
