Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
