My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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