I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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