I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
