it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
