I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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