There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
