Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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