I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
