I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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