If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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