You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
