the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
