Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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