Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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