I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
