I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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