if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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