Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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