I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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