im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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