did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
