i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Even my vagina gasped.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
