ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
