She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
