yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
