Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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