Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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