Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
