Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
