Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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