I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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