I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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