I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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